Mendaciously Mundane

When the gloriously witty and urbane Mist1 emailed asking me to participate in a ‘Carnival of the Mundane’, I didn’t know whether to be flattered or affronted. How could I possibly be mundane? But in the interests of blogging community spirit, although the minutiae of my life is of little interest to me, never mind you, Gentle Reader, I thought I’d give it a bash anyway:

“The morning poked through the curtains with priapic insistence; I woke up and stretched my lean, toned limbs, the silk of my nightgown clinging to my curves with the softness of a newly sated lover…”

See what I mean? Mundane really isn’t my bag.

So, what to do? I reached for my beloved Chambers dictionary (the logophile’s dictionary, you know): ‘mundane adj 1 ordinary; dull; everyday. 2 belonging or relating to this world, not another, spiritual world.’

Ok, things are looking up for mundanity, derived from the Latin ‘mundus’, meaning world. The idea of being worldly sits rather more comfortably than the notion of being dull. Suitably heartened, I moved onto Wikipedia: ‘In science fiction and in fandom, a mundane is a person who does not belong to a particular group, according to the members of that group.’ Hmmm, maybe I am mundane after all; I do not attend conventions, learn fictional alien languages, or dress up as a giant teddy bear for sexual gratification, or a restoration soldier (for reasons unfathomable) in my spare time (unless the money is very good).

But then, like a lighthouse in a storm, a beacon of sanity in a world gone mad, came the final blow, the proof that yes, I am indeed the pinnacle of the mundane, in the form of this story from the BBC website yesterday.

Idiotic criminal, Paris Hilton, is backing an online petition that asks for her pardon. Yes, you read that right. A court of law found the over-privileged airhead guilty of drunk driving. She was given parole. She violated that parole (more than once), thus now faces 45 days in jail for committing this second offence. As this story attests, Miss Hilton is either sub-normally stupid, or doesn’t give a shit about anyone or anything except her own immediate gratification. Personally, despite some of her recent sartorial choices, my money’s on the latter.

The myspace petition argues that the woman made famous by sucking her boyfriend’s cock on camera is ‘a role model who "provides hope for young people all over the US and the world. She provides beauty and excitement to (most of) our otherwise mundane lives." I nearly choked when I read that. There’s about as much chance of Paris Hilton adding beauty and excitement to my life as there is of her taking responsibility for her actions and actually making a worthwhile contribution to the human race. I guess my life will just have to remain ‘mundane’, because I will not be signing that petition; I want Paris to go to prison and I really, really hope she ends up sharing a cell with someone large, grumpy, and as unimpressed as I am by her dull TV show, dodgy dress sense, and total disrespect for her fellow man.