Sweat & Slide

My shoulders ache. But it’s a good ache, the kind of ache that comes from having worked just hard enough to push the boundaries without inviting injury. In my post-viral state of near permanent exhaustion, such things matter.

It’s clear some friends think I’m mad for still going to both trapeze and pole dance classes whilst fighting off a chest infection, but my parsimony, my enthusiasm, and my rampant competitiveness won’t permit anything else.

Give me my dues, however, in both classes I’ve gone easy on myself – especially with the conditioning and strength training. Monday’s trapeze class included some new moves, the Gladiator being one of them. I have no idea why it’s called a Gladiator, because it involves standing on the trapeze bar, wrapping your legs in the ropes and dropping back, leaving you hanging upside down, legs bent at the knees. It’s safe, but it’s scary. We also have a new class structure, and I have my very own progress record sheet. I love that shit. Must be the teacher in me. Getting ticks on a piece of paper as you work your way through a structured syllabus is most gratifying.

As to pole, we worked on some challenging moves, including the Pencil, and what Elena calls the Scorpion, but which I’ve also heard called the Lunchbox. Both involve hanging upside down, with your back to the pole, gripping with both hands in the small of your back and taking your legs off. For the Pencil, one holds one’s body straight, and for the Scorpion, one arches one’s back, opens, bends and extends one’s legs behind the pole (there’s a picture of Sam from Art of Dance doing the Scorpion in the side bar of her blog, if you want to see what it looks like).

Now, I know I am strong enough from all the trapeze classes to do these moves, but last night, my body had other ideas. For a start, the tiredness is bone deep – well, muscle deep, and for another, my hands were ridiculously sweaty. Sweaty hands equal bugger-all grip, so every time I took my weight into my arms, I just slid down the pole, at varying speeds. Gentle Reader, let me tell you, it was fecking frustrating. Especially as I ended up sharing a pole with a girl who hadn’t been there last week, and who turned out to be one of those irritating types you just have to ignore. Or punch. Sample dialogue:

Puss: (wiping hands in frustration) ‘God, my hands are so sweaty! I can’t grip at all.’

Irritating Wench: ‘Mine, too. They sweat terribly because I’m so scared! It’s pure fear with me.’

Puss: (thinking ‘Get real; you don’t get into a Level 5 pole tricks class if you’re scared of the pole you silly woman.’) ‘I’m just hot.’

Irritating Wench: (stepping up to the pole, nailing what she thinks is the move straight away and stepping off, all wide-eyed and fake, fake, fake) ‘Was that it? Did I do it right?’

Puss: (not caring enough to tell her, ‘No, actually, that wasn’t it at all – you just did a Jewel Mount (Iguana), not a Pencil. It’s one thing to get up there, quite another to hold it, you smug bitch. So take your stupid faux modesty and your arrogant self-satisfaction and fuck off. You ain’t gonna listen to a word I say anyway’) ‘Yeah, that was it.’

Luckily, the other girl I was sharing a pole with was delightful – as are all the other women in the class. They’ve been very friendly, very quick to praise me, very quick (and concerned) to remind me not to forget my shoes as I did last week (scatterbrain). Elena is kind and encouraging, and I really enjoyed the class – even if I did feel a bit useless, feeble, and sweaty.

Still, I came away with a nice bit of pole burn, a few new bruises, and a mashed up foot from climbing the pole so much. It’s getting a little confusing because Elena’s names for the pole tricks are often different from those I know, and some of them are the same as the trapeze tricks, which in themselves are different to the trapeze trick names I learned initially. Confused? Me, too. On the plus side, I can see some similarities in the body positions for trapeze tricks and Elena’s pole tricks, which helps with the old muscle memory, and I hope, when I’m properly recovered, I will make better progress – it’s frustrating as fuck to be patronised by some wench who’s clearly not as strong, flexible, or experienced as I am. Silly girl – making the mistake of underestimating the newbie. I noticed she didn’t get up and ‘freestyle’ either. Lightweight.